Forms of courtship

The practice of courtship varies from one society to another and from one ethnic group to another. For example, courtship among the Makonde, Ndamba, and Gogo is likely to be different from that of the Maasai or Sandawe. Although the forms of courtship are diverse, they can be grouped into two broad categories as follows:

(a) Traditional courtship

(b) Modern courtship

Traditional courtship
In traditional courtship we can identify four main forms of courtship, namely the love walks, the winged flight or growing wings, annual courtship festival and bride abduction.

(a) Love walks: This form of traditional courtship is famously known among the Luya tribe in Kenya and Jita from Musoma in Tanzania. In this form, a man joins a woman he likes in her walk and during that times he tries to persuade her to go to a concealed place where he can express his intentions and desires. Once a woman is convinced with the man’s seductive words then the two become lovers – a condition which opens the door for courtship to begin. In urban areas, this form of courtship is often practised differently. Nowadays, prospective partners meet in restaurants, pubs or markets. They do not practice love walks often in the same manner it is practiced by others in the rural areas.

(b) Winged flight or growing wings: This is a form of courtship in which the girl disappears late at night to her lover. The man then encourages her to stay, not just for a night but for some days until the girl’s family members start to question about her disappearance. In some cases, particularly in the Ha tribe, in western Tanzania, a girl will get a new garment bought by a man for her mother and put it under her mother’s pillow. This serves as a sign that she is leaving to join a man who will be her life partner. The man’s family will then send a messenger to inform the girl’s family about the disappearance of their daughter. Then, the girl will unofficially continue to stay with her man but during this period the man remains indebted to the girl’s family until the dowry is paid. This type of courtship is also practiced among the Luo tribe in the North Western part of Tanzania and some parts of West Africa.

(c) Annual courtship festival: In this form of courtship men of the community dress up in beautiful outfits and decorate their bodies and faces. Then, they go to a stage or playground to dance with the goal of winning a potential bride. At the end of the festival the woman gets to choose a man of her choice. A man who is chosen is then granted permission to officially woo her as his future bride. After this courtship period, if the woman is willing, she then agrees to marry her beloved partner. This kind of courtship is practised by Wodaabe tribe of West Africa.

(d) Bride abduction: In this form of courtship, a groom to be and his friends abduct or steal a girl he wants to marry. A few days after the ‘abduction’, the ‘abductors’ (the groom-to-be and his friends) send a message to the parents of the ‘abducted’ young woman. The purpose of the message is to assure the parents that their daughter has not met a bad fate but has merely met her life time partner. Upon receiving the information, the father of the abducted woman fakes annoyance and initially refuses to accept the gifts offered. Once the anger of parents has calmed down, food and goat’s meat are prepared by the groom’s family and presented to the woman’s family. Later on, other processes such as dowry payment, engagement and marriage can follow. This type of courtship is practiced among the Sambaa, Zigua, Nguu, Ha and Sukuma in Tanzania as well as Zulu of South Africa and Lutuka tribe of South Sudan.

Modern courtship
Modern courtship is becoming common in many African countries, mainly because of the emphasis placed on reason and development of science and technology. The following section describes the kinds of courtship that have emerged due to the emphasis that has been placed on reason and development of science and technology.

(a) Self-initiated relationship: This type of courtship originates from the emphasis that modern societies are placing on reasoning as an essential criterion for self- actualisation in life. Formal education has played a big role. It has promoted the use of reason as essential for the explanation of social and natural phenomena. Although, not all young people have access to formal education. Most of them spend almost a third of their lifetime in institutions of formal learning. Their time in schools, colleges and universities provides them with more opportunities to interact with members of the opposite sex in absence of parent oversight. As a result, they develop what is called self-initiated relationship. Young people feel mature enough to be in a relationship. For example, many students feel that college is the right place to get a lifelong partner whom they could marry during or immediately after college.

(b) Online relationship: The development of science and technology has developed different media, for example; radios, television, newspapers, mobile phones and various social network platforms, such as Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Besides, the development of science and technology makes people to work long hours and increase their mobility. Constrained by time and financial resources and lured by modernity, individuals have turned away from the traditional modes of socialisation to social networking sites and professional online dating services. Young men and women opt for cheaper alternative of online services that allow individuals to scroll through personal information or profile and initiate a relationship.

In that regard, the volume of options to choose a partner through online networks increases the chances of finding a compatible partner. This is because the need for spatial proximity can diminish when individuals are connected across wide geographical areas through their computers or mobile phones. In light of the above, it can be said that, the trend of modern-day courtship is through online network. As such, when it comes to the issue of establishing relationship, individuals tend to look at personal online contacts, profiles and social network platforms. They do that to find potentially appropriate partners for dating, courtship and marriage. Despite how fashionable and popular online relationship and dating may be, it is good to use them with utmost caution and care. The truth is that online dating and relationship can be very dangerous for one’s safety. For one thing, some online identities are fake. Some people may hide their true identities pretending to be good people while they are not. Such courtships have caused a lot of miseries, particularly to girls and women who have met with deceitful men and ended up into being assaulted, cheated and at times, infected with diseases such as HIV and AIDS.